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1. What did you do in 2012 that 
you'd never done before?

Became a pure project manager...something I have wanted to do for years...but never had the chance. 

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for 
next year?

I don't do them

3. & 4. Did anyone close to you give birth? Did anyone close to you 
die? Did anyone close to you get married?

Gosh, I guess I had a bit of a death with the relationship with my mother. I also married again, the most amazing man in the world

5. What countries did you visit?
The US.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
My husband legally in this country

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 8th...our London wedding day...it was amazing

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Being a project manager

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't think I had a biggest failure...just small ones that I dealt with

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
God,I have been soo ill this year...let's not get into it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My best thing was bringing Ted over and the wedding

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Ted...'nuff said

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Nobody really...

14. Where did most of your money go?
See number 11

15. What events did you get really, really, really excited about?
The wedding. Ted arriving in London. Whitby.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
except our wedding song, don't have one

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) Happier or sadder?
b) Thinner or fatter? hinner
c) Richer or poorer?
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<b </b>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<div class="asset-content" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; background-color: rgb(204, 204, 204);"><div class="asset-body" style="margin: 0px 5px 0.75em 0px; height: 2384.10009765625px; line-height: 1.4;"><b>1. What did you do in 2012 that&nbsp;
you&#39;d never done before?</b>
Became a pure project manager...something I have wanted to do for years...but never had the chance.&nbsp;

<b>2. Did you keep your new years&#39; resolutions, and will you make more for&nbsp;
next year?</b>
I don&#39;t do them

<b>3. &amp; 4. Did anyone close to you give birth? Did anyone close to you&nbsp;
die? Did anyone close to you get married?</b>
Gosh, I guess I had a bit of a death with the relationship with my mother. I also married again, the most amazing man in the world

<b>5. What countries did you visit?</b>
The US.

<b>6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?</b>
My husband legally in this country

<b>7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?</b>
September 8th...our London wedding day...it was amazing

<b>8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?</b>
Being a project manager

<b>9. What was your biggest failure?</b>
I don&#39;t think I had a biggest failure...just small ones that I dealt with

<b>10. Did you suffer illness or injury?</b>
God,I have been soo ill this year...let&#39;s not get into it.

<b>11. What was the best thing you bought?</b>
My best thing was bringing Ted over and the wedding

<b>12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?</b>
Ted...&#39;nuff said

<b>13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?</b>
Nobody really...

<b>14. Where did most of your money go?</b>
See number 11

<b>15. What events did you get really, really, really excited about?</b>
The wedding. Ted arriving in London. Whitby.

<b>16. What song will always remind you of 2012?</b>
except our wedding song, don&#39;t have one

<b>17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) Happier or sadder?</b> appier...definitely
<b>b) Thinner or fatter?</b> hinner
<b>c) Richer or poorer?<b </b></b>Poorer...definitely

<b><b><b>18. What do you wish you&#39;d done more of?</b></b></b>
Gone out more....money just didn&#39;t allow it.

<b><b><b>19. What do you wish you&#39;d done less of?</b></b></b>
Drank...need to get a better handle on my wine love

<b><b><b>20. How did you spend Christmas?</b></b></b>
With my in-laws and hubby in Florida

<b><b><b>21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?</b></b></b>
If Skype counts...Ted

<b><b><b>22. Did you fall in love in 2012?</b></b></b>
Every day I fall in love with Ted again

<b><b><b>23. How many one-night stands?</b></b></b>

<b><b><b>24. What was your favourite TV program?</b></b></b>
Um...for guilty pleasures? America&#39;s Next Top Model and Strictly Come Dancing

<b><b><b>25. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn&#39;t dislike this time last&nbsp;

<b>26. What was the best book you read?</b></b></b>
OOOhhh....tough one...rereading Stephen Fry&#39;s autobiography was a great one

<b><b><b>27. What was your greatest musical discovery?</b></b></b>
None, I had lots of other things to concentrate on

<b><b><b>28. What did you want and get?</b></b></b>
My hubby living here in London...shame he is back in Florida

<b><b><b>29. What did you want and not get?</b></b></b>
Ted&#39;s visa

<b><b><b>30. What were your favorite films of this year?</b></b></b>
I don&#39;t really watch films<b><b>.

<b>31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?</b></b></b>
<b><b>Stayed home with Ted...turned 44.

<b>32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more&nbsp;
Um...want to take a guess?

<b><b><b>33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?</b></b></b>
The same it has been for eons.

<b><b><b>34. What kept you sane?</b></b></b>

<b><b><b>35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most/least?</b></b></b>
David Tennant...the most.
Not sure the least, I stop paying attention if I don&#39;t like them.

<b><b>36. What political issue stirred you the most?</b></b>
I don&#39;t do politics in public.

<b><b>37. Whom did you miss?</b></b>

<b><b>38. Who was the best new person you met?</b></b>
Kerri, my assistant at work

<b><b>39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012</b></b>
That no how it seems horrible...when you have someone who loves you and supports you, you can get through anything.

<b><b>40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year</b></b>
Don&#39;t really have one.</div></div><div class="asset-meta asset-entry-links" style="margin: 0px 0px 0.75em; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal; background-color: rgb(204, 204, 204);"><ul class="asset-meta-list" style="margin: 0px; border: 0px; padding: 0px; list-style: none; color: rgb(153, 153, 153); position: relative; overflow: hidden; width: 710px; background-repeat: no-repeat repeat;"></ul></div>

Just another blib in the road...

Some of you know this already, but I thought it best to tell people however formally FB/Live Journal can be.

Due to visa issues (that I really don't want to go into...seriously), Ted's visitor visa is up at the end of November (Americans are allowed 6 months in the UK) and he will have to return to NY. The plan is that he will fly to NY on the 21st of November, I will meet him  there on the 14th of December, we will fly to Florida for Christmas and then he will be back with me on the 27th of December...hopefully not having any trouble with immigration when we return.

Before anyone asks...we are not breaking up...we are more committed to one another now than when we married - both times. It's been a roller coaster since he arrived, but I have loved every minute of being with this exceptionally special man. He is the love of my life and I have never felt so adored, loved, and supported. 

We won't be out until he leaves, trying to spend as much time together before he does. Hence why no public birthday celebrations this year for me.

Added onto the fact that I am mainly the sole breadwinner in the family (although complete respect to my husband for working at the agency on the most mundane/boring/below his skills and intelligence jobs whenever they are offered), our money is exceedingly tight, so going out may not be much on the cards. Everyone is welcome to come to mine for games nights, tv nights, even movie nights...but I am going to really cut back on spending to have any chance to for us to have a decent holiday in Florida (we never have had a honeymoon), support him while he is in NY, feed 5 cats,....oh and continue to be bled dry by the Home Office.  

It sucks..especially as I have had to work late recently which takes time away from him...but we are soldiering on...Skype will be happy, as the hours people use their services will rise again. We've done it for ages, we can do it again...I just hope all the kitties will make a truce so they will all sleep on his side of the bed...having an empty house when I get home is one thing (I might enjoy having a tidied house tee hee), but an empty bed...*sigh*

That's the story, my little glories!

An official rant from a dancer

Firstly, if you want my professional credentials for this rant, email me....you can have them.

I know that competition dancing has an element of 'tricks' in them...I get that...yep. But dance stepping away from a cold definition of the noun and the verb, it is the interpretation of music through movement. It is finding the meaning to a piece of music and bringing it to life and bringing it to the audience. It could be just your interpretation of it (this especially applies to classical or abstract pieces of music) or what is commonly known as the meaning of the music (although  how interesting if someone can take the traditional version of Happy Birthday and interpret that in a different way?)

Watching some young dancers today, I despair. Yep, you can put your foot in places that are ridiculous, stretch in ways that make rubber bands jealous but when you are done, I haven't been left with anything but the same feeling after seeing an artistic or rhythmic gymnastics routine. Impressed by the tricks, but left empty on emotion. I want to FEEL something, not just be IMPRESSED by something. 

Look, I have done pieces where the music was so abstract and asking the choreographer (even it was myself) what that piece is about brought blank faces. But there was something there...it wasn't just being able to lift myself from being on my knees through my toes, it was having light and dark, soft and hard, shades of light and of movement. People could walk away with their own interpretation of the feeling that was being sent across...discuss it...be changed by it. Not go home saying 'wow did you see how she could put her foot over her head and touch her ass?'  but go home and debate why that male dancer pushed that female dancer away and whether it was about love, jealousy, retribution, solution, remembrance, acceptance, forgiveness....see what I am getting to?

The dancers that have been my heroes have not always been the most technically amazing...but I walked away feeling something. Yes, I was impressed by the Nicholas Brothers who some could say were trick dancers, as that is normally what you see of film clips of them (usually they leaping over each other on a large stair case and landing in splits) but when they danced, when they tapped, the joy in their faces, how they took that feeling through to their feet and made a language of sound...wow...I smile just thinking about it.

One could debate that there are tricks in ballet. Example, the 32 turns in Giselle's mad scene. Yes...gotcha, that is a 'trick' but it is part of the dance showing the despair, the disintegration of Giselle's mind and her anguish. It wasn't put there just to impress but to EXPRESS. That is a HUGE difference. Use the tricks to enhance and express...When there is jubilation - hit that huge grande jete, when you are expressing (lyrically or story line alone), that the wind has been whipped out of you, use that for the huge backbend break or whatever...make it the story...not the distraction.

Some could say that I have a traditional or old fashioned view of dance and I should open my mind. Oi, it took me years to really accept hip hop and other styles of street dance as dance. But there is a reason for that and probably shows how old fashioned I am. It was when those styles of dance actually incorporated expression, emotion and storytelling that I went, yeah dudes...go for it (I am still inept at the style of dance to be honest) 

If I ever have a child who wants to dance (and if the world is a good place for me, that will happen, otherwise, I will have a child who has two left feet and couldn't do a plie if their lives depended on it), I will ensure that they will dance, not trick; emote and express, not just impress; make people feel, not just go wow...

Okay...rant over. 

Valentine's Day

Okay...I know...I know...it's this hyped up Hallmark created holiday which is ridiculous because you should show your partner every day how much you care....yadda yadda yadda. YAWN!

I have always loved Valentine's Day...sans two...as no matter what, I had a Valentine - my dad...who, when healthy, never failed to make sure that I knew someone thought I was special. And just to cover that, 'but what about the rest of the year?' argument - he did.

Personally I find the haters of Valentine's Day fall into a few categories:
1) You don't have someone so you are feeling lonely with so much marketing around you telling you that you are worthless because you are alone. Fair enough dude. Got it...But there are some ways of dealing with that:
- the first thing NOT to do is to put down people who are celebrating and enjoying the day. Just don't piss on other people's wet dreams okay? It just makes you look bitter and sad
- the second is think about not whether YOU are getting a Valentine, but who can you make your Valentine. Valentine's Day is NOT just about romantic love (my dad proved that) but,especially if you want to go beyond the romantic hype of the day, about just showing someone in a little more than normal, that they are special. Take your best mate out to dinner or send him/her a card...whatever. Everyone loves to feel special and although we would all like it every day, at least there is one day that you can do it without (hopefully) seeming like a gushy, mushy idiot (or stalker)

2) You do have someone and you sit and whinge about it being a made up holiday:
- Um, it isn't and as many of these people are very intellectual and intelligent, please go on google and check it out.
- Accept that we live in a world of capitalism and yes, marketing and companies are going to take advantage of the holiday and try to make money. Deal with it.
- You don't HAVE to buy roses, cards, go out to an overpriced meal. One of my best Valentine's Days ever was takeaway Chinese over the kitchen table and my gift was pillows for his bed in his house. There wasn't a blooming rose in sight...Wait he did get me flowers...Iris...because someone who gets me roses doesn't really know me and I shouldn't be dating them in the first place.
The point is - YOU make the holiday if you want to make it a holiday. You don't have to follow the rules and considering the kind of people I know some of these haters are, I kind of scratch my head about bitching...you don't follow the rules on most conventional things, why would you do on this?
- Again - you know what? I don't want to hear you put down the fact that I like to celebrate Valentine's Day. I love it. I have loved it single or not (the two times I didn't was when my dad couldn't send me a card either because he was too ill or dead)...perhaps I didn't have the greatest of times, but I made it for me. I brought in stuff to work (chocolates, cupcakes), I sent cards to friends who mean the world to me and I sometimes don't give them the love or attention I should or am able to...I made the holiday work with MY definition of it.
- And you still look bitter and sad if you piss all over my wet dream...

So I am going to enjoy this Valentine's Day with my absolutely gorgeous husband.

And just to add...I have one of the best men in the world...I know he thinks I am special every moment of the day...he not only tells me, but shows me. And I am so thankful....BUT :) if we want to make one day a little more special and all about us? (aside from our wedding day?)...bite me if you have an issue with it!

Jan. 13th, 2012

Hello LJ...sorry I have been lapse in being here. I read...I promise. I even comment...but posting myself is something that I have been not doing.

Anyway so....what has happened?

I married my best friend, the light of my life, the ying to my yang, the chaos to my balance, the love that I lost and happily, thankfully found again...my Ted (are you gagging now? Sorry I can't help with barf bags). I know I sound like a Hallmark card on crack, but I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Yes, like everyone, he has his foibles (like I have), but even when he is driving me crazy (like leaving shit everywhere!!), we end up laughing about it..and there is a snuggle or a Skype-kiss at the end of it. 

The wedding is a blur..the whole day is sort of. 

The wedding dayCollapse )

So that was the wedding. Pre-wedding, we had lots of running around getting stuff done, dinner with my family, Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas Day with Ted's family, lunch with both families (so they could meet pre-wedding). There was shopping, making of favours, almost falling over at the price of the cigars my Dad used to smoke, football, me behaving semi-Bridezilla, Ted being amazingly patient and wonderful, becoming friends (and also buying out all of the particular pinot grigio I like) with the local liquor store, my nails getting done (yes, I actually had girly hands!), small panics, large panics...lots of laugh and giggles. Post-wedding, there was a blissful NYE alone and at home with Ted (way too much alcohol), baking cookies, making lasagna and meatballs together, shopping, dinner out at the venue we had the wedding at (I wanted to actual eat the food everyone raved about and I couldn't eat!), Ted's painful toothache, lots of giggles and laughs and love. 

Oh - one moment that will be forever making me smile...we went to the supermarket to get stuff for our NYE feast when we were standing at the start of an aisle and I heard it...our wedding song. It's a Bon Jovi song, 'You wanna make a memory' and it wasn't a huge hit (I didn't even think it was released as a single until someone told me!) so most people don't know it. To have it played so randomly was just kismet I think...We had a little dance and snog much to the bemusement of the people there.

Of course, there was the airport and going back, me crying, Ted trying to hold it together. To be honest, he was in so much pain from his tooth, it helped him keep his mind off me leaving. At least that's what he said! 

I go back in February for a visit...in the meantime, we are sorting out tons of paperwork and red tape for both Ted and the kitties. 

So...what have you been up to?

Have lost my medical hero....

I just got a call from my GP who was upset that I was there this morning and not seen by him. He's offered to come by but I assured him that I am okay and just suffering from a lurgy...then he threw me a curveball...He's leaving the practice to move up north due to his wife's job relocating...AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH! He is my champion and he even he admits I won't get the treatment (some people say special treatment as who gets appointments as quickly as I do?) and that he will try to speak to his colleagues to ensure I am a 'special case'.

I will miss him horribly...he really cared. And someone who took the care to understand my life and situation in a medical way and just not dismiss me. (as my previous GP did)

Having a medical hero in your corner when you have ME is a godsend in the NHS. He cut through red tape, made people understand a condition they normally dismiss...and I am tempted to follow him up north. (I won't...but gosh, it's so tempting)

GP's like him are far and few between...he worked with my lifestyle, my work life...he worked to make me a controller of my illness and not a victim of it. And because of his interest and care (and from what I saw on his bookshelves an ever increasing library of work on ME) he took a genuine interest in my case. I am sad...and worried. What will I get next?

So...back from NY

I have to say that this trip started so badly that I seriously thought it was a sign from the gods of 'something'...

First, I fell asleep waiting for the cab and left a half hour later than I wanted...which means that there was a rush to eat Wags and then get to the plane.

Then, well, my ME/CFS hit (stress? exhaustion?) and I ended being very ill on the flight. Yes, I was the person that held everyone up getting off the plane as I was taken off in a wheelchair. I give HUGE kudos to the staff on the flight and at JFK, including the police, who were amazing and got me sorted and to Ted. He took me home, put me on the couch and tenderly took care of me. My angel.

We woke up the next morning to get ready for the wedding and everything kept going wrong. First, I realised that somehow I didn't back the stockings for my dress, then my hair tongs wouldn't power up, and I seemed to have forgotten my mousse as well. There was a frantic trip to the shop for stuff and then I rushed through doing my hair - which meant it was not what I wanted exactly. Coupled with being shaky from the attack the night before and all the stress, I am sure I was not myself at the wedding. I really tried...and Ted and I had a few dances and some laughs, but honestly, I wasn't myself. Ted's mom's wedding was lovely and it was odd to be called the 'fiance' and to be included in the family photos. And accepted all the congratulations! It was a surreal day and I was kind of happy to get back to the house and to relax.

Over the next few days there was wedding stuff...and lots of it...and my trip went from disaster to lovely - all to do with my Ted. So what did we get done?

- all the invites have been addressed and sent (sans 3, to be explained later)
- we met with the woman who is doing our ceremony...which made me cry as we talked about my dad...she has sent us the first draft and we need to go through it but it's looking like a tear jerker of a ceremony
- the flowers have been sorted thanks to my 'uncle' who is doing them for free and understood what I was looking for (elegant wildness)
- we saw two photographers. We haven't chosen one yet...we need to have a think about them
- we got Ted's suit for the wedding...which is fantastic and will be tailored to him
- we bought our placeholder wedding bands. For the London wedding, we will have ones designed by Sally, but as finance and the fact that Sally just gave birth to Violet, we thought it would be better to have these for now and the 'real' ones at the wedding in London. Luckily, we both found ones we liked (they aren't matching) and so they should be ready for Ted to pick up in about a week or so (his is a special order titanium, mine needs to be resized)

On top of that, we saw my sister and mother and I managed not to kill them or want to kill myself. Although, mom did exactly as I predicted to Ted the morning that we went to see them - comment on my weight. Literally, it didn't take her more than 10 minutes to say something about it. ('Have you lost more weight?') Ted and I just laughed....

On top of THAT, (thanks to Ted for thinking of it), we visited my old dance company/studio and saw Michele and Lori, plus girls that were just mere little ones when I last saw them...it was surreal, but oh so lovely. Reminds me how much I miss proper dance studios....must speak to them about either taking class or teaching a master class when I am back in December for the wedding.

On top of THAT, we visited my old friends Phil and Lisa who will hopefully be at the wedding. We had a fantastic Italian meal and some great wine and I got to meet their darling son Andrew, who I last saw when he was about 6 months old.

We did have (and continue to have) a bit of a scare, as Ted's dad has had a heart attack (we found out as we left the post office from sending off wedding invites) and needs surgery. There was a chance that we were going to have to go Pennsylvania and me staying longer, but later phone calls changed that...surgery is not until Tuesday and Ted felt it was better I went back to the UK...

Despite Ted having to work, we spent a lot of time together, yes, busy doing wedding stuff, but enough down time (and watching American football - he's such a saint)....I am the luckiest girl in the world having someone who loves me as ornery as I can be, as cranky as I can be and as silly as I can be.

So on Sunday, I got into a bit of a funk knowing I would have to leave. Don't get me wrong...no offense to those who live in NY, especially Long Island, but I feel trapped whenever I am there...I couldn't wait to leave for that reason. But to leave my Ted just made me so sad...so miserable...He should be coming on the plane with me and I can't wait for that to be the case. He's just so good for me...to me...ok, I know that they ~have~ to say things, but all the wedding people we met spoke about how great we are together...and it was nice to hear....

Anyway, I am back home...missing Ted...although I love being back to my home and my kitties....just wish Ted was here.. :(

The Riots

I would like to have something intelligent to say about what has been going on, get all philosophical about it, or have some great political insights...but I don't or a lot of what I think has been said much better than I could or will.

What I will say is that I don't like feeling scared, anxious. I don't like worrying about my friends and their safety.

I don't like Ted worrying about me, or my mom worrying about me. It's not fair to them.

We did have some 'jokes' in the office - like 'I would actually go and loot sheets, the Egyptian ones...and a kettle. Go for the stuff no one thinks of...like everyone steals a plasma screen!'


There is rumour that there is something going on in Highgate. I am close enough that I would hear sirens I would think, but it's quiet.

Pillowcases are at the door, just in case, for the kitties. Just in case.

So...Jezzie land...

Things are happening in Jezzie Land.
- argument with mom about wearing Dad's ring around my neck at the wedding. This caused a lot of tears and is still not resolved. Why my mother cannot understand that I want to wear it and that I am not taking it forever is beyond me. I am leaving it for now, but I am still seething about it.

- my family has added 14 people onto the wedding list. This is a problem financially and logistically. Financially as how the hell do we pay for these people? Logistically as I am not sure the venue can handle 14 more people. I have since received an email from my sister saying she doesn't think all of them will come to the wedding (it being a Wednesday, at 6pm and in Deer Park)...so let's see what goes on with that.

- Other wedding planning is going ahead. Hotel is booked for the night before and the night of the wedding, florist appointments made (one is with my 'uncle', the other with a florist that Ted's mom is using for her wedding). Minister is booked. Invites being designed. Favours have been cancelled and we will be donating money to the Sophie Lancaster Foundation. Photographer has been axed as we just can't afford it. Digital cameras have now turned into disposable ones due to the cost. Not much more I can do at this point, I think...but my brain is always one thought away from the wedding.

- Move is happening. I have done most of the change of addresses, booked the movers, order the cable/broadband/phone (don't get me started about Sky - they are the devil incarnate and as organised an a bag of frogs). We scored a 37" telly and DVD player from the current tenants (they are moving back to Australia) for £100. I need to book Tony to come and paint...and a professional cleaner to clean the current flat. Brigid is being kind enough to help me bring the kitties to the new place...So...okay.

- I guess the worst thing is missing Ted. Yes, we IM all day practically and we get to see each other briefly on Skype when he gets home from work and most of the weekend, but damn I miss that man. Can't wait for these 9 1/2 weeks (sorry I just chuckled in a very Beavis and Butthead kind of way at that) to just be over so I can be curled up with him.